HELP WANTED: Viewer participants requested. No experience required.

The first day of April beckons. Wisely, or otherwisely, The Icon invites viewers to offer April Fool's stories for this online news source.

Quite honestly, my April Fool's well is as dry as Bluffton during Prohibition. Can't think of anything worthy of print. Oh, there's the usuals...

A flock of 1,000 or more turkey vultures are headed to Bluffton. Last seen in Gomer flying this direction.

Mineral rights to several farms south of Bluffton are selling to foreign oil companies, based upon new technology of sucking oil from shale. Could be a new oil boom.

A map revealing the location of five Swiss gold coin burial sites from the 1890s in Richland Township, Ohio, was recently sold on E-bay. Each location could have up to $2,500 (face value) coins, worth hundreds of thousands on the open market.

The Ohio Tea Party plans its summer convention in Bluffton, coinciding with the Northwest Ohio Volunteer Fire Deparement's annual convention here also. Newt Gingerich may be the keynote speaker.

U.S. Route 30 is designated as the extension of Interstate 90. Modifications will begin in 2013 with no interchanges planned between Cario and Jenera.

The Ottawa National Indian Tribe Council, based in Enid, Oklahoma, plans to open a gambling casino in un-zoned Orange Township near the airport.

Bluffton High School plans to join a new athletic league based entirely on schools in Allen County. Other possible league members are Lima Senior, Shawnee, Elida, Bath, Allen East, and possibly Liberty-Benton.

See what I mean? These just don't work.

The requirements for a fantastic April Fool's story, in my opinion, follow:

1 - Each requires one second of: "Oh, my gosh, this can't be true!"

2 - Once the shock wears off, the viewer can't wait to try it on someone else.

3 - The initial paragraph or headline requires a "call to action," like: "I'll never allow this to happen," or "I better buy some of that oil stock before the price goes up."

This is where viewers enter the story. I invite viewers to submit story ideas. You may either send them as responses to this story (but the whole world will be watching), or e-mail them privately to: [email protected].

No promises, but if I use your's, it may be worth a free cup of coffee at the corner of Main and Cherry.